It’s Valentine’s Day and I am looking at my Facebook wall for juicy stories because my boyfriend is in Hyderabad. I am at home, with my two dogs, asking other people about their Valentine’s Day. Don’t feel sorry for me, I am having fun; the internet does not disappoint. I just read about the Bajrang Dal setting up mandaps and planning to get couples married if they are found celebrating Valentine’s day in Ramgarh. So Ramgarh ke vasio, rejoice. The Bajrang Dal has also set out ten raiding parties to look for couples who condone this filthy conspiratory western culture.

Someone recently told me to look at the bright side of things, so I am. This is a good thing. I feel like Bajrang Dal should do this in every city. They are paying for weddings. They are taking care of family issues regarding your marriage. Although their official statement for Valentine’s Day is, “It is an obscene festival of western society. Under a conspiracy, this bad culture is being fueled in India. Our culture is thousands of years old and it a pious culture of entire world. We don’t support western obscene culture,” as said by Chhotu Verma, an active member of Bajrang Dal, I feel like they are playing a bigger game.

They are all for love and are giving couples a chance to get married without thinking about finances or their parents. Have a caste issue at home? Does your mother think your boyfriend should be earning more money? Does your father worry about how you will pay for your wedding? Worry no more! Bajrang Dal is here to save the day. Just get caught holding hands and wearing red anywhere near a Bajrang Dal member and get married to your Bae (or is it Boo?) for free. When your parents object, just point them towards any member of the Bajrang Dal. Your parents will be too afraid of them to be of any hindrance to your blissful married life.

LGBTQ folks, this is your loophole to enjoy! Nowhere has the Bajrang Dal stated that they will marry off only heterosexual couples. Granted it is because of their deep homophobia and their complete denial of the fact that homosexual couples exist and that they are equally culpable for enjoying a western holiday. However, now you can get married too. Buy flowers, wear red and hold hands on the street. Tell you what, wear a sandwich board that says, “We are celebrating Valentine’s Day“. Make sure you are ostentatious. This is your gateway to marriage. Go to the Bajrang Dal offices and demand to get married because you believe in Valentine’s Day. This day is your oyster.

I am really sad that VHP and Shiv Sena decided not to harass couples this year. You guys just missed out on an opportunity to get married for free in so many places. I sometimes feel like all these pro marriage anti-Valentine’s Day folks are so misunderstood. Perspectives people. Try to see another point of view.

And now I go back to finding solace in  cat videos while you lucky people get a chance to have a wedding. Hmmph.

Also read: V-Day In Photos: From Protest To Sangeet & Mehendi Inside The Police Station

Featured Image Credit: Keepcalm-0-matic

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