HealthSex & Sexuality Women And Orgasm: Ours Should Come First Too

Women And Orgasm: Ours Should Come First Too

An orgasm happens when a woman might experience the intensely pleasurable release of sexual tension along with contractions of genital muscles.

So, whether you know about orgasm from the famous 1986 rom-com, When Harry Met Sally where Meg Ryan fakes an orgasm or have read about it in some magazine, it is something that has been very conveniently hushed behind the societal doors.

It should not come as a surprise that when sex is not openly spoken about in households, then the female orgasm has just not been discussed, at all!

Now the thing is, many women do not enjoy the pleasure of an orgasm. The reason can be attributed to a long history of gender injustice where the sexual pleasure of a man is given far more importance than that of a woman.

There is a need to reinvent the idea of sex as an exchange of trust and pleasure. Where it is not only about mutual consent, but also a mutual sense of pleasure. Sex is not just for procreation, but also for us women to feel good. The dominant ‘lad’ culture, which fails to live to these ideals needs to be rectified.

We need to need to stop ignoring this fact. We need to understand something very very important – a mutually pleasurable sexual experience. As women, we need to make ourselves more aware and put forward our sexual pleasures.

Women’s experiences of orgasm are as important as the male orgasm, and should not, at any cost, be ignored.

A short film, called Khaney mai kya ha? portrays a newly-wed daughter talk about sex to her mother, without really mentioning it. She touches upon the ‘O’ word, which her mother hesitantly talks about. She has never experienced it because she never had a say in the matter. Before going ahead, I urge you all to watch the video: 

What is the female orgasm or what most like to call – the Big ‘O’?

Often called climaxing or coming, this is when a woman might experience the intensely pleasurable release of sexual tension along with contractions of genital muscles.

Many women may ejaculate, which is a clear fluid spurt from the glands during sexual excitement. There is also, a possibility that a woman may experience more that one orgasm, soon after the first – if she continues to be stimulated.

How do you know if you are having an orgasm?

There will be excitement – your heartbeat becomes faster, there is heavy breathing, skin begins to look flushed and genitals swell with blood.

Sex is not just for procreation, but also for us women to feel good.

Now let’s look at the amazing health benefits of having an orgasm. Don’t believe me? Read on further, and then you will!

  • Orgasm helps in regulating the menstrual cycle and improve circulation to organs in the pelvic cavity. It is said that women who have sexual intercourse at least once a week, has a better chance of having a normal menstrual cycle as compared to those do not have frequent sex.
  • It cures migraines and other kinds of pains too. Much better than popping an Advil, right?
  • It makes you look younger. An interesting study shows that those who make love thrice a week look ten years younger. Now, how great is that?
  • It improves your social life, by producing a hormone called oxytocin or lovingly called the cuddle hormone. The hormone leads to healthier bonding and success. Oh wait, it also leads to a relaxed lifestyle. By producing another feel-good hormone called ‘endorphins’ which has a sedative effect. No wonder we have such a good sleep after sex, isn’t it?
  • Doesn’t it feel great to have a massage? Oh, did I tell you that orgasm provides an overall lymphatic massage? This helps in the body’s natural detoxification process to prevent cancer, improve your mood and digestion.
  • Orgasm enhances your fertility and improves overall wellness.
  • Most importantly, it relieves stress! By producing oxytocin which produces feelings of relaxation and warmth.

Now let me ask you, are you aware that an organ exists in your body for the sole purpose of providing pleasure?

Yes, you read that right! It is called the clitoris. Located at top of the vulva and just above the urethra, it is one of the most sensitive areas of your body.

Also Read: Lakshmi – A Must Watch Short Film On Conjugality And Sexuality

Many believe that an orgasm can be only achieved through penetration. Well, they are wrong. This is mainly for vaginal orgasm or the G spot orgasm, which is not the only type of orgasm.

We have clitoris orgasm too! A result of clitoral stimulation, it can be achieved orally, by hand or sex toys. Let me reiterate, penetration is not the only way to get an orgasm. Additionally, there are multiple and blended orgasms also.

Just like an orgasm, female masturbation is considered to be scandalous and horrifying (yes, we do it too!). The taboos surrounding it need to be put to bed. It is true that masturbation is normal, healthy and very very pleasurable.

The myths that surround it are outnumbered by its benefits. It can relieve stress, make you more comfortable with your body and help you sleep better. If you indulge in it, you are not ‘sex-crazy’ or a ‘bad girl’. Exploring and touching your body to make yourself feel better is natural.

What’s more? So while there is some good information, there are also certain erroneous myths concerning the ‘Big O’ that are surfacing out on the internet. It’s time we decipher what is real and what is not. Let’s have a look at the four most common myths, which will make you say ‘Oh’ in a whole different way.

Myth: If you are unable to get an orgasm, then it is your partner’s fault.

Fact: Though it is true that a partner can help a woman reach an orgasm, but in the end, she is responsible for her own sexual pleasure. Sure, it is convenient to blame the inability to reach an orgasm on the partner by saying they are unskilled. That is wrong because you are equally responsible.

Myth: A woman is who is unable to reach an orgasm is ‘rigid’ or has something

Fact: Rigid? Well, sorry to dispel your bubble dear society, but a woman who has had an orgasm in the past and is unable to have it now might be having a medical problem or a side-effect from medication. Furthermore, she might not be aware of the type and duration of stimulation required.

Myth: Orgasm can be achieved only through intercourse for a ‘normal’ woman.

Fact: False, false, and false. In reality, (please take notes) around one-third of women experience orgasm through intercourse, the other one third reach it with normal intercourse but with extra stimulation. The remaining one-third via other means than intercourse – which can be oral or manual stimulation. Boys, penetration is not the only way.

Myth: Orgasm is always an earth-shaking experience

It is not always going to be that that oh-so-famous scene in When Harry Met Sally where Meg Ryan will be moaning and groaning loudly. Typical indicators of heavy breathing, muscle contractions or vocalizations may not be present. So basically, it is very much possible that there might not be any pelvic muscle contraction. Instead, many women might just feel really relaxed and pleased after they peak.

Let me reiterate, penetration is not the only way to get an orgasm.

Is there a possibility that a woman might not be able to reach an orgasm?

Yes, there is a possibility of Female Orgasmic Dysfunction (FOD). So while you may be sexually aroused or have sufficient stimulation, there still might be difficulty in reaching an orgasm.

Did you know that one in three women experience this? This could be due to various reasons such as old age, medical conditions stress, or even poor self-esteem. But, don’t worry, because this condition is treatable.


Also Read: ‘Cat Person’: Dismantling Men’s Mediocrity And Influencing Consent

Featured Image Credit: Jean Paul Zapata

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