Two years back, when the winter dropped over the city, with its icy grip, it shook Kathmandu city making it the lowest temperature record of the year. While winter took over on one hand, the wedding bells rang close on the other. It was the year I did my first makeup at my sister’s wedding.
My mother woke up at 4 am early, hurrying. And then, the rush continued until my sister left us after ‘Bidaai.’ My house was full of people, it seemed like an entire village had migrated over. Women dressed in sparkling red party wear Sarees, with kajal on their eyes and a green Tilhari by the cross left end of the shoulder, which reminded me that life was slowly changing and a big hit for me and my mother.
I rushed into my room closet, and quickly put on my lavender top—lehenga and jacket from the outside, while I glanced at my mother who wasn’t even dressed. Seeing us the way we did, one of my aunts insisted that we go to a nearby parlour; otherwise, we didn’t even think we had to.
There was just a little time left when we finally agreed to go to the nearby beauty parlour. I sat on a chair first thinking I’d do it quickly. The makeup artist did my hair curl. She put on eyeliner and I was done. Then, my mother sat down. Artists put on the foundation. From the left side to the corner, putting my head up, eyes closed, I remember how I crossed both of my fingers for a minute, knowing I had my look changed. Just a regular girl with a ponytail tied to one on the back had now got a curl, almost the touch of the ocean wave.
I know how my mother did makeup by that time, all under pressure. When the makeup artists applied liner from the other end, my mother kept refusing saying she wasn’t interested. She did eyebrows and pulled the hair from the upper lip. And like how each time she forbade, the artist too, insisted on her to apply and said, “After all, she is a bride’s mother.”
My sister has been keen on a collection of makeup things. She already had so many of the dermatologist’s products on her room table at home, while including some exact products we saw in that parlor. That day, sort of reminded me more intensely of my sister.
A lot of products she added partly because she is a Doctor and another that she did for the sake of her skincare. Of this difference, I learned much later. For me, it never became a priority. For someone, who was largely guided by her insecurities and vulnerability, I never saw my face that too, closer.
The belief that women put on makeup to hide their insecurities is so wrong because I never did. It’s neither about skincare nor just makeup. It’s something about what version brings the best out in you.
Not saying that I put both of us differently on a pedestal, but it was just that I never realised that make-up could enhance one’s features. For someone, who never put on moisturiser, let alone foundation, it was a big thing for me to realise how a beauty blender worked that very day because I secretly pepped into my sister’s room and without her presence first time, I saw if she had left any makeup, if I could try out.
My first ever product for myself started with Lip Balm and that too, when as a teenager I saw my friends applying balm to their chapped lips during the class breaks. It was a big thing for someone who for a long time hadn’t picked the differences between lip balm and gloss, it was a big deal to look at the makeup tutorials and to classify between pencils and bronzers.
I started applying at least a moisturiser mostly after my highschool until then, I just didn’t. Then, slowly, in my second year of College, I realised I got freckles on my nose area and sideways. And then, I started applying sunscreen. So, whenever I go out, even today, three things are in my pouch: moisturiser, sunscreen and lip balm. However, on days, I feel low and sick, I prefer not to put them on. It doesn’t matter if I do it or not, because that doesn’t make a difference.
People see putting on something over their face as hiding things. The belief that women put on makeup to hide their insecurities is so wrong because I never did. It’s neither about skincare nor just makeup. It’s something about what version brings the best out in you. As Constance Grady wrote, “It’s always been the oppression system that makes women feel bad at whatever they intend to do.”
When at the wedding, the bride had to make an entrance on a carpet with a ‘Ghumto,’ on her head, my sister came with her head up, making eye-to-eye contact. One of the women from the crowd went straight up to my sister and told her, “This isn’t the way of a bride, you have to look a little shy, little bow with your eyes down.”
Sensing that my sister must have gone wild hearing about the ‘Ghumto,’ thing, she didn’t even utter a word. Rather, I made the move that day. I told them, “It’s her wedding, let her do what she feels right.” A silence rose mounted up high, air touching the sky, fell with a storm on each mouth, then almost winding up, the music began overcompensating.
There have been so many instances where we tend to view patriarchy as a sole threat against women. But few of us have realised that women are the biggest propagators of patriarchy, sometimes because of conditioning and other times, to get validation from the lords of patriarchy. Amelia Hill once said, “Women are their own worst enemies as 90 per cent of the women who were surveyed felt negative ‘undercurrents,’ from other women.”
Feminism began as an idea to uplift both men and women. However many people hold feminism as something that creates a disparity. But saying that we cannot deny that feminism started only to create a status quo in genders and sexes.
We know how negative things about femininity permeate the workplace. For example, certain jobs are created for only men and women pursuing them is hardly acceptable. Women are not given that much of a leadership position as Rhiannon Wardle writes “Femininity is considered a weakness in leaders, with many people believing that women are too emotional or weak to handle high-stakes positions. This can create a confidence gap between men and women.”
I wouldn’t say that makeup is bad but I would say that my skin reacts differently to it. Sometimes it needs it, sometimes, it doesn’t.
The essence of feminism is intersectionality and inclusivity. It is not just an individual stance. It is a movement that began to change certain structures that equate both genders and not perpetuate gender inequality. It means breaking barriers, challenging stereotypes and creating a world that is not just an ideal but a reality. The International Women’s Development Agency said, “Anyone can become a feminist. It’s not about hating men. It’s not about women being better than men. It’s not about eschewing femininity.”
So, when I added a little foundation to my skin, on that very day, I was drawn closer to my mirror. I saw myself a little more than usual. I felt different but I wasn’t in that everyday comfort. I wouldn’t say that makeup is bad but I would say that my skin reacts differently to it. Sometimes it needs it, sometimes, it doesn’t.
Although I didn’t share how much my mother looked pretty on the wedding day, I want to say, that on a regular day even without the makeup, she looks the prettiest. While I sought out what looks suited me and what makes me feel happy, I also understood the difference between makeup and skincare that goes into their setup routines, something my sister wanted me to learn for a long time.
Now that she is shifted quite far away, her room keys–are unlocked, only to be opened during the weekends. Now that I have reduced my visit to her room because I do not get her scent enough, I rather wait for Fridays and then start all over again with her, unwrapping the beauty brands, she had told me on call, cool stuff that she’s bought online, she’s still left to try on.
