Strolling through the neon-lit streets of Bangkok and Pattaya, I can’t stop looking at the world with a tinge of criticism with one thought circling in my head: what’s wrong with the world? I will be honest and accept that I let my judgement precede all other emotions. But it is hard not to feel cynical when all you see are men (primarily white) walking around with women half or lesser than their ages.
These women walk and talk coyly, that’s what they are paid for I suppose. ‘Make him feel like a man that he thinks he is‘ – I assume is their occupational instruction.
These women walk and talk coyly, that’s what they are paid for I suppose. ‘Make him feel like a man that he thinks he is‘ – I assume is their occupational instruction. After all, that’s what these lonely men are trying to escape- a world that constantly questions their worth, where one is never good enough. To be honest, I resonate with that feeling- we all do.
While most I can amass to feel for these men is disapprobation; I felt none of that for the women. After all, how can you tell someone without the privilege of choice to make a better one?
However, a question kept nagging me- who are these women? A simple Google search will tell you that most of these women either come from ethnic minorities or neighbouring impoverished countries. But my question isn’t about their identities, it’s more about the nature of their existence. Who are these women? What do they do on their day off? What are their dreams? Do they fall in love? How do their stories end?
Tapestry of contrasts and shades
After spending some days, I have learnt to discern men and their nationalities from their clothes and behaviors. It’s truly fascinating how much we can learn by just noticing intently. I have a newfound appreciation for National Geographic, they really know what they do.
One thing I have found common in many men here is their aversion to making eye contact when out with a woman they have hired. I don’t know if it is shame or something else, but I wonder anyway.
During one of my interesting encounters, I saw two Indian men in their early 50s with one woman of ambiguous ethnicity. We were all traveling together in the same tuk-tuk. Even though her ethnicity was ambiguous, the fact that she was hired for good times wasn’t ambiguous at all.
One of the men kept complimenting her while having his arm around her, and even asking her not to answer her boyfriend’s call.
One of the men kept complimenting her while having his arm around her, and even asking her not to answer her boyfriend’s call. The friend of the man was quick to remind him to not be mushy as she may get ‘attached‘. The first gentleman realising his friend was feeling left out in the whole ménage à trois situation, asked the woman to sit between them.
As we passed a temple, he asked her if it was really a temple. He then clasped his hands, bowed his head with genuine faith, and did a pranam. I withheld my feelings.
I see it in black and white, but I think in grey. Even then human contradictions continue to baffle me.
Beyond the surface
I have seen insipid debauchery here in ways that I have never seen elsewhere. And in the same lane, I met a young Indian man with two children, a single father on vacation with his children. I saw Asian men tending to their happy children, feeding them lovingly as they frolicked about. Made me wonder why they all chose Pattaya. However, I let it slide for the sake of my empathy.
Symphony of the unconventional: women in Thailand
Thailand is a place of many things- great food, serene nature, unadulterated lechery. For the uninitiated, it can feel like a place where feminism comes to die. And yet, the lanes here feel a lot safer than the decorated and dignified places in India. Most public places are occupied by women. They drive buses, and own and run their businesses- that includes sex work.
My initial reaction to this place was shock, disbelief, and judgement. I repeat that I thought feminism came here to die. And I continue to hold many of those feelings, especially when I read about young children being forced into prostitution to support their families.
In most oppressive societies, women are controlled by having their bodies controlled. Here, women control it, they earn a living and from what I hear, are even uplifting their economy.
However, after having spent some time here, I have cognitive dissonance. In most oppressive societies, women are controlled by having their bodies controlled. Here, women control it, they earn a living and from what I hear, are even uplifting their economy. This is not to diminish their challenges or the exploitation that they endure. I hope the next generation of these women have better lives.
The juxtaposition of exploitation and empowerment of women
In my journey so far, I have traveled many miles, physically and emotionally. Yet endlessly I continue to ponder, can exploitation and empowerment co-exist? Importantly, is that enough for women to escape a life of misery?
While it is easy to create binary narratives, the reality is far more nuanced and complicated. In a society where exploitation and empowerment seem to coexist in unsettling ways, I am left questioning the possibilities for change and transformation.
Perhaps the answer lies not in snap judgments or easy answers, but in embracing the complexity of human experiences. As I bid farewell, I carry with me a new understanding that sometimes empowerment can lurk behind exploitation and vice versa.
From the women who navigate this world that seeks to define their worth, to the men grappling with their contradictions, Thailand has revealed itself to be a true symphony of the unconventional- one that you must see to believe.
