Whenever I meet hypermasculine men, despite being a social butterfly, I still become hesitant to talk to them. There is something about men who fit into the societal notions of masculinity that pushes this effeminate queer individual away from them. Before coming to Delhi, back in my orthodox village in Rajasthan, men around me never made me feel accepted; they mocked me about my walk, which was not like how “men” were supposed to walk, and mocked the way my voice came over a phone call, which leads to my misgendering most of the time.
Delhi: The place that restored my faith in “good” straight men
When I came to Delhi, I met several men at the university of various sexualities, many of whom I made friends with as well. This was the first time when I found men giving me tight hugs, not taunts; kisses on my forehead, not stares; laughing with me, not on my walk.
However, until then I called myself a feminist, but the one who somewhere saw men, especially “straight” men, as enemies. This notion started shattering when I saw these men loving me despite knowing that I was a queer person. The question started hitting, “Can men be feminists too?” That’s when I met Noble, a dear friend now, and the one who promised me he would marry me if either he had been gay or I had been a girl.
Once upon a time i fell in love with a straight guy named Noble
When I try to revisit my memories with Noble, I remember walking with him every day to Vishwavidyalaya metro station from the college to drop him off, holding hands, and talking about life and how grateful we are to have each other by our sides. In between, Noble will start flirting with me; sometimes I shall reply, and other times, I will just blush. No queer person was ever able to make me blush, but Noble, despite being straight, did it. My ways of expressing my love are majorly physical; Noble doesn’t mind me kissing him on his cheeks, unlike most of the straight men who have made me feel as if I am doing so because I am interested in them. The joy and acceptance men and friends like Noble provide me is so beautiful.
I love sunflowers; Noble was the first one to get me one. I was the first one to get him flowers.
I wrote my best poem for him.
I wrote my first handwritten letter to him.
The above lines may indicate something romantic towards him, but that’s not the case. It is all my queer love for him, for a straight man. He was homophobic when he entered the college, and his sensitisation started with flirting with me. I firmly believe people change, and Noble is an example to me. bell hooks defines how feminism is countering sexism, and men like Noble, who counter their internalised sexism, are some of the best allies we can have in our movement.
bell hooks defines how feminism is countering sexism, and men like Noble, who counter their internalised sexism, are some of the best allies we can have in our movement.
I find my feminist joy in men like Noble. Such men are examples of how those in power and rigid power structures do not want us to love each other, and love is the force that can destroy their authority. What if we have more men like Noble? Wouldn’t the world be a better place to live in? Aren’t men the ones who are the jailers of the jail in which other gender minorities are tied? Aren’t they tied to chains as well? We need more men who win over sexism. We need more Noble, for the world to be a more rainbow-ing world.
