India is a diverse country with too many views and opinions that at one point it gets really exhausting. I still find majority of the population’s views on every debatable topic to be shallow. Call me a pessimist, but that’s what I feel. Be it views on politics, religion, sexuality, lifestyle, equality, caste or anything menial, you are bound to get into arguments. I am an Indian guy where culture and tradition is the highlight and makes it difficult for people to accept that there is a term called asexuality. Hell, I believe this country is racist! Unpopular opinion, but true. Let me not get started on LGBTQIA+ issues.
If the average lifetime of a person here is 80 years, I’ve hit half of it. Right from childhood, I’ve never really been interested in females (nor males). I was never attracted to anyone. During high school and college, every single friend of mine started falling in love and dating and I was okay with that. But deep in my head I was thinking how do people even fall in love? When my friends had break ups, I was even more confused. One moment you are ready to give your life to this person and then years later you break up? These immature and naive thoughts were very prevalent during my early 20s. But yes relationships are complex and I understood the fact very late.
But the fact that I could never fall in love or think about having sexual relationships kind of made me curious as to understand why I wasn’t following the norm. It was not until I was in my late 20’s I started to think seriously about it. I had to Google vague sentences such as ‘never been in a relationship’, ‘never fell in love’, ‘not feeling sexual enough’ and much more that are way too embarassing to discuss here. Ultimately I landed upon a comic that explained the term ‘asexuality’. That led me to the site AVEN and that’s when the penny finally dropped. Everything made sense.
The term ‘Aromantic Asexual’ defined me a lot. Though I am not very keen on labelling myself, I sort of stuck to it. I’ve never really told anyone nor went shouting “Eureka Eureka” like Archimedes. I prefered to just observe what I was going through as I believe nothing is constant except change.
Coming back to the point, I realised I might be aromantic asexual because I am not too keen on sex nor am I interested in romance. When you reach a marriageable age, there is immense pressure from parents, relatives and society to get married. This kind of pressure is a serious issue and can break someone down mentally when they really don’t want to get married or are not seeking a partner. Well, you can be asexual and still want love, attention and long for a partner. But in my case, it’s not so.
The fact that there are very few going through a similar situation makes you feel alienated. If I were to bring up the topic of asexuality and claim I was one, I’d be met with a lot of skepticism. I don’t want the label ‘poser asexual’ or don’t want someone to say I am just trying to be unique and get some attention. Snowflake syndrome is a thing! “Once you find someone or get married, everything will be fine“, this is what I think will be the reply. I could be wrong too!
Asexuals are real. I can vouch for that. The term is like a new kid around the block. People are just getting to know what it actually is. There will be denial, people will call it a bluff. But it’s real. I am learning a lot about this now. And not restricting myself to labels. Sexuality is fluid. Will I change in the future? Hasn’t happened for several years. But I will just observe for now!