So often during sex, people can unknowingly do things that may be disrespectful of their partner or that might be outright sexist. Even though you may be a very considerate person and not want to do anything to harm your partner, sometimes, some things happen in the bedroom that can be very problematic. And just because they don’t say anything doesn’t mean that it doesn’t matter. Read on to find out if you might be unknowingly sexist in the bedroom.
1. Assuming that your partner owes you sex
Consent is the foundation of any healthy relationship, and it is key in sex. Nobody owes anybody sex, not in any context, ever. Even if you are in a committed relationship or married, your partner has the right and freedom to not have sex with you if they don’t want to. Sex should be about pleasure and never a duty and assuming that your partner owes you sex, not only disregards them but also makes the act less pleasurable for both of you.
2. Refusing to wear a condom (even for a minute or two)
The famous bedroom discussion across cultures:
He: Can we go without a condom?
She: Eh, no I don’t think that’s a good idea.
He: Just for one minute, please! Come on!
The chances of contracting sexually transmitted diseases are equally high for both you and your partner, so pleading them to bareback even for a minute is harmful to both of you.
This discussion is super sexist. The chances of contracting sexually transmitted diseases are equally high for both you and your partner, so pleading them to bareback even for a minute is harmful to both of you. Furthermore, such discussions about condoms also presume that avoiding pregnancy is only the woman’s responsibility, so if she gives in and ends up with an unwanted pregnancy it was her fault. Making your partner solely accountable for the consequences of not wearing a condom is unfair and disrespectful. Wearing a condom should not be a discussion and is definitely not only the woman’s problem.
Also read: A Feminist In An Abusive Relationship
3. Shoving her head around during oral sex
When your partner is going down on you, trust that they know what they are doing, if you don’t like it tell them with your words what you would like them to do instead. Do not shove their head around like it’s a plastic doll (!), it is not. Doing that to your partner is rude and painful (don’t forget, even women have a gag reflex). If you want your partner to enjoy giving you a blowjob, relax and trust them, you will enjoy it more as well. Also, keep in mind that not all women enjoy giving blowjobs at all times. So if your partner doesn’t want to, don’t try to nudge them in that direction. Consent is key. Always.
Communicating with your partner during sex is important to make sure that they are on the same page as you and that they are having fun as well.
4. Starting and ending at your pace (only)
Communicating with your partner during sex is important to make sure that they are on the same page as you and that they are having fun as well. So often men unconsciously disregard women’s needs during sex. Entering your partner before she is ready or finishing before she is satisfied (and then not caring about her pleasure) are all too common scenarios in the bedroom. Healthy, passionate, fun sex is about the pleasure of both partners. Making sure that you share a reciprocal sexual relationship is not only healthy for your relationship in the long run, but also more enjoyable for both of you.
5. Obsessing about her being hairless down there
Most women groom their pubic hair for hygienic purposes. Some may choose to get rid of it completely, while some others may choose to only trim it. If looked at from a biological perspective, pubic hair is not just there for decorative purposes, but provides protection from bacteria and other pathogens that may disrupt vaginal health. Complaining about her pubic hair, or even insisting that she get rid of it is incredibly sexist and disrespectful; it’s her body and how she grooms herself is her choice.
Also read: Sex Politics In India: Why Is ‘Female Pleasure’ Still A Taboo?
If you realise that you are doing any of these sexist things, discuss it with your partner. Your partner is probably uncomfortable about some of these things already, but doesn’t say anything because they don’t want to hurt you or they’re not sure how to say it. If you can communicate about what you like and don’t like in the bedroom, then you can find ways to make your sexual relationship more reciprocal. In the end, both you and your partner will be able to enjoy sex more.
Featured Image Source: iStock
Adding more to the list ( real-life quotes from personal and friends’ experiences):
1. “But pursuing her for sex turns her on. She doesn’t like to say yes in the first go” – unless this is a pre-planned kinky plot, both of you have an issue around consent, figure it out before fucking.
2. “But I shaved down there for you, you should do it too” – did they ask you to do that? Also, your comfort with something doesn’t automatically reflects that of your partner. You stick to yours and the let other one stick to theirs.
3. “Babe, blue balls, please!” – bullshit.
4. “We were drunk.” – if you can’t trust the person drive you back home, you definitely shouldn’t trust them with their consent.
5. “But talking and asking about things kinda kills the buzz” – are you suggesting that your pleasure comes from forced sex and not the one where your partner is feeling it enough to respond to you
6. “When you say no for sex it feels you are rejecting me” – not always an ego issue, could very much be just because of the mood. Either way, talk about it instead of expecting your partner to just sleep with you because you want sex.
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