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I am just so elated about this whole business of calling out against the Myntra logo and making sure that the brand mends it ways. Of course the problematic logo is one of the most serious women-related issues plaguing India today and now that the logo has been changed, we can be assured that we have covered a lot of radical ground in the feminist movement.

I mean, the changing of the Myntra logo is for sure, going to go down in the annals of history as a landmark achievement and will certainly teach a lesson to all these corporates which only focus on milking every opportunity they get; driven by their capitalist, profit-making motives all about sexualising and objectifying women. So much so that Myntra actually went to the extent of featuring the female genitalia as its logo and we, we sanskari, culturally conscious, educated, enlightened and perceptive women allowed it to stay on for years! I am so enraged and ashamed that it wasn’t me who noticed it first and mind you, I pride myself in being very perceptive. And well, some of my friends can actually be so perceptive that they actually notice things and pay attention and trace things in things that are simply not there! Imagine their failure! Even they failed to see this blatant display of the female sex organ and that too for all these years! 

Myntra actually went to the extent of featuring the female genitalia as its logo and we, we sanskari, culturally conscious, educated, enlightened and perceptive women allowed it to stay on for years! I am so enraged and ashamed that it wasn’t me who noticed it first and mind you, I pride myself in being very perceptive.

Also read: The Legacy Of ‘Disrespecting Hindu Gods’ That Tandav Followed… & We Somehow Missed

All these years of loyalty to Myntra products when all along their insidious agenda was only to humiliate all womankind and instigate men to commit heinous crimes. Of course the men must have noticed but decided to keep quiet about it. Just so men-like, no? And all along they must be using the Myntra logo pretext to fantasise about women. I am sure they all use the logo as their screensaver and keep a hard copy of it in their wallets for… well you know what for! Ugggghhh my stomach turns just thinking about it. So much evil could have been prevented if someone would have just noticed it earlier.  

So many heinous crimes against women: assaults, the molestations, the innumerable instances of sexual harassment, the rapes – so much could have been prevented. Just one logo! It could have been so much easier than all those vigils and prayer meetings, and all the discourse and social media activism about women reclaiming public spaces and what not. Imagine so much of energy wasted when changing the Myntra logo could have taken care of everything. 

And this has made me think hard and reflect…now that someone has actually succeeded in making Myntra change its logo, I too am going to embark on a crusade against similar symbols which convey nothing but obscenity and only end up contaminating and hugely polluting our thoughts. But I am not going to think small. I am planning something big and I hope all of you are with me in this because it is equally offensive to all of us, irrespective of our gender. I am planning to write to major stakeholders in the IT sector and get them to change the symbol of the microphone that appears on screen when you have a Google meet session.

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I mean ever since the Myntra controversy that is the first thing I notice every time I sit down for an online class or a webinar and need to unmute myself by clicking on… you know what. I can’t help but notice it ever since I have cultivated these fresh eyes over the past few days. And though it is only my cursor touching the microphone, I feel so many things all at once.

One part of me is so distracted by this involuntary and unavoidable contact with this explicitly phallic symbol that I find it difficult to focus on what I am supposed to. And it is with a tremendous effort of will that I have to curb my basic instincts which are all rearing to go. And, the other part of me feels infuriated, enraged, polluted and coerced into doing something against my will. I mean to shop from Myntra was still optional but do I have a choice with the microphone? I mean the symbol of the microphone is ubiquitous, right? It invades my personal and professional space, imposing its filthy, promiscuous and unwarranted presence. I was so used to sending voice messages on Whatsapp…not any more, because then I will need to touch and press in order to send a voice message. Guess I should write to Mark Zuckerberg too? It makes me feel so wronged. It’s mostly us women who are targeted and indirectly harassed all the time. 

I think the whole Myntra episode was such a huge blessing, especially for me. I have now achieved such an elevated sense of enlightenment that I can read into clever subtler symbols too. I mean have you seen the Telegram logo…well I must admit I am uncomfortable with it. I know it is meant to look like a paper plane but come on…we are discussing subtexts here – don’t you just see what it resembles from a certain angle. Well look hard. If you could see Myntra, you will also see Telegram. Such blatant exhibitionist obscenity. I simply don’t get what mind-games the creators of these logos and the ones who approve of them in huge boardrooms are trying to play with us. I mean they think they are being clever…well we are clever-er. 

Also read: Indian Matchmaking: Capitalising On The Arranged Marriage Market & Its Anxieties

And Mc Donalds too by the way…the logo I mean. I seem to have developed a discomfort with the letter “M” for sure. I mean look at it and you will surely see what I am seeing. Image Source: EDTimes.in

And Mc Donalds too by the way…the logo I mean. I seem to have developed a discomfort with the letter “M” for sure. I mean look at it and you will surely see what I am seeing. Come on, I don’t have to tell you every little detail. The Myntra episode must have surely trained you “to see”. And if you turn Mc Donald’s logo upside down then it is even more problematic. Oh my god! I simply do not want to take my nine-year-old to Mac Donald’s anymore. Imagine how prematurely I will be introducing him to things he is not supposed to see or know at all. Even as I am writing this I am turning red…all those wraps and rolls my son has seen me biting into…his innocent eyes taking it all. I don’t know how traumatised he will be when he grows up and recalls his mother engaging in such explicit indulgence. I can’t even begin to think the trauma he would go through. No. I have made up my mind. I need to protect my son so I am going to stop biting into rolls and wraps and stop buying bananas and uninstall Telegram from my phone (Myntra I already have) and will take him to Domino’s instead of Mc Donalds from now on or better still settle straight for an Indian thali. Our food that way is so harmless. No?

I need to protect my son so I am going to stop biting into rolls and wraps and stop buying bananas and uninstall Telegram from my phone (Myntra I already have) and will take him to Domino’s instead of Mc Donalds from now on or better still settle straight for an Indian thali. Our food that way is so harmless. No?

And the microphone? Well IT sector…wait and watch! I’m coming after you. Who knows after all I might make a small fortune and in any case even if I don’t, at least get my fifteen seconds of fame.


Disclaimer: This is a work of satire.

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