IntersectionalityFeminism 101 Dear Men, Here’s Why ‘Believing’ in Gender Equality Doesn’t Make You A Feminist

Dear Men, Here’s Why ‘Believing’ in Gender Equality Doesn’t Make You A Feminist

The notion that some loose and half assed acknowledgement of a vague and libertarian idea of gender equality makes you a feminist is fiction

Posted by Himel Sarkar

It’s a parable as old as the movement itself and reinforced in the internet age by Heads of States (Love you, Trudeau), slam poets, hip internet news sites, your average college dudebro and the people you pass a Jay around with once at some party and then never see again. And Snapchat. Of course, Snapchat.

The notion that some loose and half-ass acknowledgement of a vague and libertarian idea of gender equality makes you a feminist is fiction. The problem is always in the question asked. Now, in the 21st century, we have in our mainstream narrative established that for the most part, sexism is err… wrong.

Therefore, when you tell people that if you believe in the equality of men and women, you’re a feminist, you’re lowering the bar of feminism to ‘anybody who’s not horrible enough to be proud of their misogyny’.

Feminism is far from that. Feminism requires a lot of work. Feminism demands unlearning and re-learning. Feminism requires you to acknowledge your entitlement and privileges and empathize with those whose problems may not be apparent to you. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried it but it is hard work and one that you are entirely responsible for because expecting women to free you of the burden of ignorance is entitled as fuck.

This is not your movement

The first thing you gotta know is that as a dude, you don’t complain about not being given a space in feminism. If you’re a middle class guy, you’ve only had to reach out into the dark abyss with outstretched fingers to be handed microphones by phantoms.

Not here. Feminism is a space where people on the gender spectrum who have been marginalized, denied their civil rights, kept off the streets with fear and intimidation, denied the opportunity to define their own lives, patronized, denied equal wages, mutilated, chucked into fire, and the list goes on, get to speak and define their agenda.

Your space in feminism is the one you already have. Your job in feminism is to take the space you already have and make it feminist.

Mansplaining pro-life dudebros who are suddenly pissed off that they got blocked from a feminist page because they suggested the women who have been raped should just suck it up and ‘move on’ do not get to appropriate feminism.

Say it with me, “I acknowledge my privilege”

You can’t be a feminist without acknowledging that you have privilege. Privilege is a complicated topic that requires introspection and education (all of which is your job).

If you’re one of those people who say that women are subjugated because they don’t ‘speak up’, or that women don’t get into STEM fields because of some character flaw, then you’re just a victim blamer, which is one of the worst things you can be and definitely not a feminist no matter how many ‘Respect Women’ bumper stickers you own.

Women around you

As a feminist it’s your job to help out women and other feminists. You have to use your environment, profession, social standing, and every other space where you get to speak to understand women’s issues and help fix them.

Shut down that sexist joker. Stand up to family when they victim blame. Start conversations about women and their issues in public spaces, even in places where a sympathetic ear may be improbable. You can’t be a feminist before understanding that you have more opportunity to make your voice heard than women do. Use it well.

Shut the fuck up

Sorry to sound crass. But as a male feminist, your job is to shut the fuck up and listen. Listen to victims, listen to survivors, listen to the women who have fought oppression since they were 13 and were sexualized in their own home and told to cover up, listen to the women who have stared down security forces and corporate goons and told them to come with more than a couple of guys if they wanted her home, listen to the women who have hit the streets to fight for their pensions and run away from home to escape a marriage they never wanted to be in.

Theirs are the stories that matter. In this whole game, your role is that of a messenger. Listen to their struggles and fight for them with all the social capital you have. You don’t get to set the discourse, you don’t get to alter it.

This is not a #trend

This is not a cool new label that you get to call yourself at parties and bars. This is not something you appropriate. This is a struggle, a fight, a simmering call to a perpetual and ubiquitous revolution. And you’re the foot soldier.

I’m not a feminist because I’ve spent too much time around liberals. My feminism doesn’t begin and end with BuzzFeed and Beyonce. I’m a feminist because I feel personally and morally responsible for the structures that patriarchy has amassed. I’m a feminist because it is mine and your collective battle to restore balance to the scale that has been skewed at least since the birth of modern civilization.

If you understand all this, and agree with it, then you may call yourself a feminist.

Himel Sarkar is a feminist poet, writer, engineer and performance artist. He is a member of the poetry group Bring Back The Poets and likes eating donuts. This post was previously published on the author’s Medium here.


  1. Rengaraj sudarsanam says:

    I do not know if I am a feminist as yet. However I do believe women are superior to men.

    • Urvashi Prasad says:

      women aren’t superior to men. men aren’t superior to women. feminism isn’t about bringing down men. it is about uplifting women and bringing them to the same level as men.

      • Rengaraj Sudarsanam says:

        Urvashi, Women are superior to men. In the west and in Islam, women have been and will be dominated in a dehumanizing manner by men. I belong to Sanatana Dharma and confidentally pray to my ishta devi Sri Maha Lakshmi. It is not my intention to let go of Sriman Narayana, but He can be reached only through Jagadacharya Sri Mahalakshmi. I see her in every oppressed woman. She is coming, make no mistake, She always does heed our prayers and rides a chariot! Her charioteer will be her hubby Sri Krishna. My intention is not to form a new cult. I have foreseen this and will counsel oppressed women everywhere-do not suffer in silence! Get up! we men, the non misogynistic Hindu men, are here for you. Get up!

  2. Aparna says:

    Super write up, mainly because it talks to men. Other similar pieces get stuck in the format of ‘discourse’ and become less accessible for readers. Kudos Himel!

  3. Verma says:

    Spoken like a true woman (read: tantrum throwing confused raging girl). Men should shut the fuck up and listen to women blabbering all day long.

    Go on, keep shouting and alienating the people who would have supported you. In the meantime, I’ll fight the real fight by respecting and honoring the people who deserve it.

    You may delete or not approve this comment if you think it threatens your ‘safe space’. 🙂

    • Japleen Pasricha says:

      You couldn’t even check the author properly before commenting on this article. This article is written by a man.

      • Rengaraj Sudarsanam says:

        Japleen, just an observation, feminism must go beyond poster holding. You Indian women and your American sisters are the best of God’s creation. Heed not the shrill misogyny, allow us Hindu men to fight and die fighting, if needed…

    • Rengaraj Sudarsanam says:

      Verma, go easy on your sisters, please. Have you had a nosebleed? Our women, whether Indian or American undergo menstrual bleeding every month. How inconveniencing is a nose bleed? How much more it must be for women! Indian women are of slender build, petite and beautiful. Respect them and protect them from misogynistic thugs.

      P.S. We always have the pakistanis for doing battle!

  4. Sudhir Ambedkar says:

    Dear madam, I agree verbatim with what you said in this write up. I am a man and I recognize my privileges as a man. Through this comment I would like to inform you all who call themselves ‘feminist’ that I run a Facebook group ‘Feminist India’ which I founded 4-5 years before. There are many feminists from India and abroad in that group, who write, share and discuss the issues of feminism. However, one thing I would like to clarify that I don’t set the discourse in the group in any way. I have carefully limited myself to the job of an adminstrator. All feminists are welcome to the group which actually belongs to you.

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